I have been trying to write as many posts as I can that relate to Cushing’s this month, as part of the Cushing’s Blogger Challenge, so here is the next in the series. I know a question on the minds of a lot of Cushing’s patients post-op is whether they are actually in remission after surgery. As I discussed the other day in another post, it often can take a long time to figure this out. Neuroendocrine tumors are a special PITA this way. The tumors are tiny and soft like toothpaste and it is common for very excellent, experienced surgeons to miss a tumor or part of a tumor during surgery. And because the tumors spit out hormones they do damage and disrupt the body’s natural hormonal activities for many months, muddying the waters even further.
So how do you know if you are in remission? The annoying…
It’s Sunday again, so this is another semi-religious post so feel free to skip it 🙂
I’m sure that many would think that this is a semi-odd choice for all-time favorite hymn.
My dad was a Congregational (now United Church of Christ) minister so I was pretty regular in church attendance in my younger years.
Some Sunday evenings, he would preach on a circuit and I’d go with him to some of these tiny churches. The people there, mostly older folks, liked the old hymns best – Fanny Crosby and so on.
So, some of my “favorite hymns” are those that I sang when I was out with my Dad. Fond memories from long ago.
In 1986 I was finally diagnosed with Cushing’s after struggling with doctors and trying to get them to test for about 5 years. I was going to go into the NIH (National Institutes of Health) in Bethesda, MD for final testing and then-experimental pituitary surgery.
I was terrified and sure that I wouldn’t survive the surgery.
Somehow, I found a 3-tape set of Readers Digest Hymns and Songs of Inspiration and ordered that. The set came just before I went to NIH and I had it with me.
At NIH I set up a daily “routine” of sorts and listening to these tapes was a very important part of my day and helped me get through the ordeal of more testing, surgery, post-op and more.
When I had my kidney cancer surgery, the tapes were long broken, but I had replaced all the songs – this time on my iPod.
Abide With Me was on this tape set and it remains a favorite to this day. Whenever we have an opportunity in church to pick a favorite, my hand always shoots up and I request page 700. When someone in one of my handbell groups moves away, we always sign a hymnbook and give it to them. I sign page 700.
I think that many people would probably think that this hymn is depressing. Maybe it is but to me it signifies times in my life when I thought I might die and I was so comforted by the sentiments here.
This hymn is often associated with funeral services and has given hope and comfort to so many over the years – me included.
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.
~John 15:7
Abide With Me
Words: Henry F. Lyte, 1847.
Music: Eventide, William H. Monk, 1861. Mrs. Monk described the setting:
This tune was written at a time of great sorrow—when together we watched, as we did daily, the glories of the setting sun. As the last golden ray faded, he took some paper and penciled that tune which has gone all over the earth.
Lyte was inspired to write this hymn as he was dying of tuberculosis; he finished it the Sunday he gave his farewell sermon in the parish he served so many years. The next day, he left for Italy to regain his health. He didn’t make it, though—he died in Nice, France, three weeks after writing these words. Here is an excerpt from his farewell sermon:
O brethren, I stand here among you today, as alive from the dead, if I may hope to impress it upon you, and induce you to prepare for that solemn hour which must come to all, by a timely acquaintance with the death of Christ.
For over a century, the bells of his church at All Saints in Lower Brixham, Devonshire, have rung out “Abide with Me” daily. The hymn was sung at the wedding of King George VI, at the wedding of his daughter, the future Queen Elizabeth II, and at the funeral of Nobel peace prize winner Mother Teresa of Calcutta in1997.
Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.
Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
Earth’s joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.
Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word;
But as Thou dwell’st with Thy disciples, Lord,
Familiar, condescending, patient, free.
Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.
Come not in terrors, as the King of kings,
But kind and good, with healing in Thy wings,
Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea—
Come, Friend of sinners, and thus bide with me.
Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;
And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.
I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.
I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.
Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
Before Cushing’s Disease, I had good and bad days. When I was getting sick, things were out of control. Not only did I feel really bad but I had to analyze how I felt bad. I had to focus on why I felt bad. Those wonderful days that I felt better, I questioned how bad I felt before. It took me some time to just allow myself to enjoy feeling less horrible. I don’t even want to think about recovery because that was a whole new level of feeling poorly. Now I am over 10 years out and dealing with deficiencies.
Over the past couple months, I have been loosing energy and gaining weight. I am so tired. I sleep so much. I am certain that something is out but it will be another month until my levels are checked again. The day that not feeling well and counting that…
The Gallium-68 scan I had last week was read as clean. This is good news and bad news. The good news is that I am not full of tumors. The bad news is that the scan didn’t locate a single tumor in my thymus or anywhere else either. I know I have said this before, but it is worth saying it again: I am not Jonesing for a tumor. Like any normal person, I would definitely prefer NOT having a tumor. However, I am not a normal healthy person, right now. I am sick. And what I don’t want is to be sick with a tumor, with symptoms and evidence that are very suspicious for a tumor, and not be able to find it and get it removed. Neuroendocrine tumors tend to be very tiny and can be very hard to find. It is not uncommon for patients to be…
I carry a print out of this everywhere I go because I find it very soothing. This print out is in a plastic page saver. On the other side there is a Psalm 116, part of the post from Day Nineteen. These days, both these readings are available on my phone.
Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life, ever! There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today; but I did! And because I did I’m going to celebrate!
Today, I’m going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make me stronger.
I will go through this day with my head held high, and a happy heart. I will marvel at God’s seemingly simple gifts: the morning dew, the sun, the clouds, the trees, the flowers, the birds. Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice.
Today, I will share my excitement for life with other people. I’ll make someone smile. I’ll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone I don’t even know.
Today, I’ll give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. I’ll tell a child how special he is, and I’ll tell someone I love just how deeply I care for her and how much she means to me.
Today is the day I quit worrying about what I don’t have and start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has already given me.
I’ll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God and his Divine Plan ensures everything will be just fine.
And tonight, before I go to bed, I’ll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens. I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and I will praise God for these magnificent treasures.
As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow, I will thank the Almighty for the best day of my life. And I will sleep the sleep of a contented child, excited with expectation because know tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life, ever!
When I’m feeling down, depressed or low, reading my 2 special pages can help me more than anything else.
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